THE TEN COMMANDMENTS OF DRESSING ROOM ETIQUETTE

Charlton Heston in the 1956 version of The Ten Commandments

 

1. Dance Is The Lord Your God, The Dressing Room Your Temple

 We worship at the altar of dance; we live  and breathe for it. Seriously, to a dancer, dance is spiritual; it’s a religion. That means preparing for a show is an act of devotion. The places we usually “worship” in aren’t made of alabaster pillars and draped in brocade, filled with priceless relics. They’re often up or down steep flights of well-worn stairs, the  walls covered in graffiti, full of lamps with missing light bulbs. They’re stuffy and musty or too drafty, and no matter how spacious they are, they’re always too small. But just like an  ancient temple, what happens inside a dressing room is pure magic.

 2. Thou Shalt Not Hog Mirror and Counter Space

 It’s always a good idea to get into the dressing room early so you can claim a prime spot for getting ready. But just cause you arrived at the venue on time doesn’t mean that you’re allowed spread out over half the backstage territory. Hang your costumes up if there’s a rack and stow your gig bag- with your street clothes in it -under your make up station or in a corner, not on a couch or chair that someone might want to sit on.  Keep your cosmetics contained to an area that’s roughly the width of your shoulders- the room’s going to get crowded soon and mirror space will be at a premium. If you’re done with your stage make up and there’s somewhere else you can go, it’s courteous and professional to offer your mirror space to another performer, especially one who came in from out of town and didn't have the leisure of getting ready at home. If you’ll need your spot back later- like to put on a wig, do a make up change, or costume change, just say so.

3. Thou Shalt Cleanse Thine Dressing Area Continuously

 If you’ve blown through five make up wipes and half a package of Q-Tips while getting you’re Stage Face on, if you've just wolfed down a power bar, used a bunch of double-sided tape, opened a new package of hose, unwrapped a gift, or finished a bottle of water, throw that stuff away pronto! There’s limited space in any dressing room- no matter how large it is – and that’s before a bunch of dancers start cramming into it. Quarters are always tight and space is at a premium, so it’s seriously doubtful that other cast members would be super-enthused about preparing for the stage amidst your trash.

4. Thou Shalt Not Run Thine Number Within The Sacred Inner Sanctum Of The Dressing Room

 Some dancers pop in their ear buds and quietly listen to their music while they’re getting ready. Others practice in the hallway, on the stage after tech rehearsal is over, or   go outside the venue to run their numbers a few last times. However, many soloists, and even troupes somehow think it’s ok to crank up their music and rehearse right there in the dressing room, amidst the suitcases, cosmetic bags, garment racks, and all the other dancers, many of whom are trying valiantly to get dressed while dodging somebody else’s elbow during a quick turn sequence. We’ve all seen this, cause it happens constantly!

 Dancing in the dressing room is a really big no-no.  It’s extremely discourteous to other cast members, on many levels.  Consider the following ideas and you’ll get the picture.  Many dancers don’t want to hear your music, they’d rather hear their own…and that’s precisely why they brought their ear buds.  Others desire a peaceful environment so they can get in character, or into The Zone for their performance. Several performers of all levels of experience have serious stage fright, and a boisterous rehearsal in a tiny space will work their last nerves. And nobody wants to have his or her costumes knocked off the rack or get a black eye cause you wanted to rehearse!

There’s a reason it’s called a dressing room, not a rehearsal hall or dance studio.  Please respect that.

If you truly need to run your number and the only place to do it is inside the dressing room, at least give everyone fair warning before you start, and limit running the number to one time, ok?

5. Thou Shalt Only Use Thine Inside Voice Within Thine Dressing Room

 It’s always terrific to have some serious backstage bonding.  The dressing room is often the single place many of us get to catch up with close friends we only see a few times a year. We joke, we crack each other up until we’re crying, and we gossip and swap dancer war stories. We compare costumes and trade make up hints, some of us enjoy a glass  (or more likely, a plastic cup) of wine together before or after the show.   A lively group of dancers who’re stoked to see each other and all  amped  up on performance  adrenalin can make for a really fun ‘n’ rowdy time. Although we dancers know that the “real” show often takes place backstage, it’s important to remember that there’s an actual show going on, and the performers onstage –as well as the audience- really don't need to hear us shrieking about the latest rumors or the adorable pair of boots someone just got on sale.

Also, many backstage areas have notoriously bad cell reception, so please remember not to scream into your phone, and that it needs to be put on vibrate or shut off just before the curtain goes up. Oh yeah, and if there’s a toilet in your dressing room, don't flush it until intermission!

6. Thou Shalt Switch Off Or Unplug All Appliances When Not In Use

 Do this for safety’s sake! How many times have you seen a red hot curling iron left plugged in on a dressing room counter top, when the owner is nowhere in sight… and there are highly flammable costumes nearby? Can you count that high?  I can’t. Once I was in a green room where some idiot had left a flat iron plugged into a wall socket, sitting in a puddle of water in the sink! 

Turn off or better yet unplug everything with a cord after you use it, including but not limited to hot rollers, electric kettles, flat irons, electric shavers, blow dryers and curling irons. And don’t forget the vanity lights on the mirrors when you’re done with your make up- if no one else is using them, they don’t need to be on, because they’re so damn hot they can turn a crowded dressing room into a sauna in no time at all!

 7. Thou Shalt Not Leave Food Or Drink In Close Proximity Near Thy Neighbor’s Personal Belongings

 Sure, you  need that miso soup, latte, burrito or  sports drink to keep your energy up before you go on… and there are many dancers who simply can’t live without chocolate or red wine backstage- but please do not leave any of this sustenance sitting out next to someone else’s make up and costumes!

8. Thou Shalt Respect Thy Neighbor’s Costumes, Make Up And Props

 While it goes without saying that you’ll probably covet thy neighbor’s costumes (who doesn’t?) please don’t touch anyone else’s stuff without their permission. Period. End of Story.  And do not move someone else’s things- no matter what it us-for any reason, unless you ask first.  Somebody could need a specific prop, accessory, wig or cosmetic product for a quick change; your dressing roommate might’ve placed it there specifically so they could access it immediately. If you absolutely must move something when the owner isn’t there, let them know about it the second you see them. If you’re about to go onstage and have just moved an item, ask someone else to inform its owner that it’s been moved.

9. Thou Shalt Issue Forth A Spritz Alert Before Spraying Thine Products

 Before you douse yourself in hair spray or your favorite fragrance, please announce to everyone that you’re about to use self-tanner, perfume or Aquanet, or whatever, and make sure it’s ok… someone might be severely allergic to the product(s) you’re about to use.

10. Thou Shalt Leave Thine Dressing Room In Better Condition Than Though Hath Found It

 Some productions have a volunteer crew to tidy up the dressing rooms, or assign small backstage cleaning tasks to each dancer, but many do not. Also, many venues actually charge show producers   cleaning fees for dressing rooms that were left looking like a tornado hit them. No matter what condition the dressing room was in when you first entered, it’s just plain old good karma to leave it spotless!

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DANCERS AND BODY IMAGE, AGING AND SELF-ESTEEM

 One hour away from turning fifty six! Photo by Lauran Hoffman

 Spring has sprung and most women are now fully consumed with prepping for Bathing Suit Season...and that often includes going on unhealthy crash diets and beating themselves up emotionally because they don't look "perfect".

We dancers  have Costume Season all year round, so for us, this is a constant in our lives. We also work in a niche of the arts where there's a much  higher degree of our culture's worship of Youth And Beauty; and sometimes, we turn against ourselves because we feel we don't live up to the physical perfection we're supposed to embody.  The truth is, we all  ought to be able to see that health and talent should be our main priorities!

 I'm writing  this now because yesterday, on March 17, I turned fifty six. Yeah, that's right, i can now legitimately say I'm pushing sixty!  And proud of it, too.

Below is a re-post of a blog I wrote in March 2013, before I turned fifty four... maybe you can relate enjoy!

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Attention... You Are Hot!

This is your self esteem call-to-arms: step away from your computer, and take a look in the mirror: you are smokin’ hot.

 In the act of performing onstage, dancers leave themselves vulnerable and  open to critique of their performances, their music, costume choices, and of course, their physical beings.  While audiences and other performers usually praise, there are those who can be harsh, but it’s your own inner critic that is most brutal.

 For decades, through advertising and in the media, women in general have been held to an ever-changing, ridiculously  unattainable standard of beauty that is just about impossible to achieve.

 It’s pretty twisted- the genetic wonders on display as the penultimate of feminine beauty are also primped, preened and fixed up by a legion of experts, lit and shot by pro photographers at the top of their  field, and photo-shopped within an inch of their life.

 Because of this, we all have been made to feel that we are lacking somehow… and dancers have these feelings perhaps more than any civilian woman ever could!

 We’re too fat, too thin, too old, not old enough, too dark-skinned or so white we practically glow in the dark!

  1991: I thought I was fat and that my face was "too round'! 

Our faces are too haggy, too jowly, and too wrinkled. There’s way too much baby fat on our cheeks or not enough. Our eyes are the wrong color and shape, our noses are hooked or too short and stubby, our lips aren’t plump enough.

We have  no chin,  our necks are too short or too long,  there’s cellulite on thighs- plus our legs are too short, too thick, too hairy or knobby-kneed.  Our bellies are much  too round, too protruding and, along with our hips (which, of course are too wide) are covered in stretch marks.  Our butts are   too flat, too round , non-existent or too shelf-like. Our boobs are too big, too small, and too saggy.  Or our boob jobs didn’t turn out right!  Our thighs and upper arms are flabby, our knees are scarred, the knuckles on our fingers are too big, and our hair is the wrong color or texture.

Crazy?  You bet!

Shall I go on? I thought not.

 I don’t need to tell you that condemning yourself is neurotic, unproductive and harmful.  You already know it.  I already know it, but I do it sometimes too!  We all do. Don’t drink the Kool Aid.

 Stop it!!!

  Dancing is what makes you happy, it makes you whole, and helps you feel lovely. It’s a passion and a blessing- it’s not to be taken lightly. Some women don’t have the luxury of dance because they live in oppressive societies, or because they are infirm: gravely ill, crippled or maimed in some way, physically or emotionally damaged beyond repair.

In the many classes I teach all over the world, along with experiencing the sisterhood of dancing, I often see and hear women slighting  their abilities and disparaging their bodies.  This hurts my feelings, seeing so many people truly feel that they are lacking or not worthy.  You  are clumsy, you have two left feet, it takes you too long to learn choreographies or you can't improvise. You feel stupid and ugly.

2013: before I turned 54... I finally like how I look!

It's rare to  hear  dancers  talking about how talented they are,what a great performance they had, or  to simply mention that dancing is a  gorgeous gift that has been bestowed upon them.  

We need to change our internal conversations! 

Time marches on relentlessly,  and  though you will probably become a better dancer in the future, you’re probably never going be any hotter than you are now, right at this moment. If you don’t believe me, look at some old photos of yourself- from fifteen years ago- or from last week- any time you thought you were fat and ugly.

What the hell were you thinking…you probably could’ve ruled the world!

Give yourself some credit, cut yourself some slack, and help other women to see themselves as wonderful too. Respect your vessel- the whole, healthy body you have which makes such lovely shapes and patterns to music. You are living art!

 You are beautiful. You are.

 And yeah…you better believe it…

You are hot!   

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AVERAGE HUMAN...OR DANCER? TAKE THE QUIZ!

Photo by Maharet Hughes

 Some people say dancing is just “a lifestyle”…I say it’s more than that...it's life itself!  It's in the DNA! We  dancers are a distinctly different breed.  We are dancers foremost, and human beings  second. Sure, Whether you’re a performing professional , instructor or student,  dancers are not like everyone else!

In order to more fully research the “dance genome”, I’ve created a quiz. Get a pen and paper, and mark down the letter of the answer that best describes you:

1. You have a tough time differentiating between stage make up and every day make up. You use an inordinate amount of cosmetics no matter what, and frequently have to “tone it down” for daily  wear.…but you’re uncertain what that means or how to go about it!

a)  Every day make up?

b) This has never been a problem

2.You refuse to listen to music during a massage, because you start counting the beats and phrases

a) Huge problem…and I only listen to talk radio for the same reason!

b) What do you mean?

3. You seem to have pulled a network of muscles in your leg, shoulder or back… do you:

a) Ice the injury down for a few minutes, pop an anti-inflammatory and carry on with your day

b) Schedule a doctor visit immediately

4. You just met a new Special Someone… but  finding the  actual time to date is becoming frustrating.

a) What is this thing you call “dating”?

b) Are you crazy?

5. By some  sublime miracle of fate, you  have a gap in your weekend schedule; do you think to yourself:

 a)  Ahhh… so this is how the other half lives…uh, what should I do?

b) We all need some downtime!

6. Holidays mean nothing to you, because you’re always working or in class.

a) What, exactly, is a holiday?

b) Holidays are a time to celebrate with family and friends

7. You own costumes and  ratty sweats… nothing in between!

a)  Sometimes I dream about going shopping for a cute little dress, but then I get my act together and go to class.

b) I practically live at the mall!

8.You can never find a bobby pin or safety pin, no matter how many packages you buy.

a) I know, right?

b) WTF is up with that?

9. You always wondered  what that phrase “dance like no one is watching” was supposed to  mean…

a) What does that mean?

b) I wish!

10. Your feet are constantly dirty and calloused:

a)  In another life, my feet will be pampered and perfect

b) Eeeew, gross!

11. Your  purse is always filled with essentials like band-aids, ibuprophen, Top-Stik, and false eyelashes

a) Oh, and  hair spray,  an Ace bandage, sewing kit, extra jewelry, and five lipsticks!

b) What the hell is Top-Stik?

12. You can always be located: just follow the trail of glitter!

a)  So true!

b) Isn’t glitter just…like… a “thing” for an eight-year-old girl’s  birthday party?

 Ok, time to total up the score:

 If you got mostly A answers- and I’m sure you did-  it’s clear you are one of us with the Super Powers!

If you got mostly B answers:

 Not sure how it’s possible you read this far…but thanks! See you at my next gig, I’ll come on out after the show and say hi!

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ATTITUDE AND GRATITUDE

Baby kitty Carmen,  my little "street tiger"

I'm home from my 2014 travels, and mistakenly made the assumption that things would quiet down a  bit... WRONG!  Aside from finally unpacking my on-the-road suitcases,  my house was a wreck cause I'd been away   about four weekends a month  for the past three months.  And, unexpectedly,  after  my two beloved senior citizen kitties Smudgie ( age 21) and Ni-Ni, (age 14) passed away within a month of each other, I was blessed with two tiny baby kittens!  They are  little  feral "street tigers", a brother and a sister, who have been rescued,  tamed and are now living in the lap of luxury in the Royal Palace. Beeper and Carmen are a handful, but they are amazing!   I am so blseed to have them,  The Universe brought them to me at the most perfect time ever. And  now that I'm home for a while,  we can bond even more and  I can watch them grow. 

On one of their crazy "let's chase each other around the house" moments, they knock a diary of mine from off a shelf. I had to page through it, and was kinda amazed at what I found. The diary covered a trip to Egypt from 1991.  In addition to Arabic translation of commonly used words and glue-in tickets from Luxor Temple and The Sphinx, there was a gratitude list.  I didn't even know I was thinking that way back then, but apparently I was!

  Just some of the things included on the list were  ( obviously) colored by my trip to Egypt, like  "I am thankful I can travel", "I am grateful that I can read" "I have a  a healthy, strong body" and, funnily enough, "I am grateful for modern conveniences"... yeah, I'll say!

 But there were many, many more. And there was also a list  on how to out-flow energy  and love to  people, things like " Keep a good attitude, try to be optimistic and positive, look on the bright side" ,  "Be helpful and supportive to other people", and " Communicate  as much as possible;  if I love someone or something, I will say it. If I am not happy with someone or something,  or find anything unsatisfactory, I will say that too but in a kind  and positive way".

  Seriously, I do not remember being so enlightened... but I guess I was, even back then.  For the past   fifteen years or so,  I've made lists like this  at the year's end, or whenever I thought I needed to count my blessings.

Since Thanksgiving is approaching, I made a Dance List of everything I am thankful for.

Dancing literally changed my life. On top of the “usual” benefits, like giving me a strong, toned, flexible body, the emotional and spiritual impact dancing has had upon me is so significant, I can hardly put it into words. In my writing, I am usually a confirmed abuser of the exclamation point, but the amount of punctuation I would need to apply in this case is boundless, so I will spare you.

From the age of three, I wanted to dance, but for many reasons (the foremost being a ballet teacher who rejected me at an early age because my feet were flat ) dancing wasn’t in the cards for me until  well after I had already reached adulthood.

Maybe I had a karmic debt to pay, maybe my life just unfolded the way it was supposed to, but I came to belly dancing fairly late in life, after the age of thirty. Though I still sometimes wish I had been able to study dance since childhood, I no longer feel robbed, or the regret I used to experience about not having been a life-long dancer; now I am just thrilled with the way things turned out!

Mere months after I began belly dancing-almost as a lark- my life did a full 360 degree turn-around. Instead of picking my body (and all the individual parts) to pieces by visually and physically comparing myself to unrealistic and “ideal” images in the media, I began to love my body for the way it looked while I was dancing. Soon, that sentiment morphed into simply loving my body. As I developed more skill, I began to be grateful for what my body could do.

Dancing also helped me quit some very self-destructive behaviors I had for decades: substance abuse and an eating disorder. A hardcore bulimic for years, my love of dancing helped me cultivate a healthy relationship with food…and need I tell you that it’s impossible to dance for hours with a hangover or while high? Suddenly, I had a choice to make and I picked dancing over controlled substances and being unhealthy.

Dancing helped me get through-and over- a painful divorce. The feminine energy and sisterhood I felt with other dancers was healing and gave me hope. I see this theme repeated with many other dancers, and I hope I can pass this feeling on to others.

Belly dancing also lead me to other forms of dance, and  for that, I am eternally grateful. It’s what directly lead to my career in burlesque, not to mention studying and performing other types of dance as well, like jazz, ballet, Bollywood, samba, contemporary, hip-hop and many other genres. Whenever my schedule ( or my creaky ole body) allows, I take dance classes.

Dancing has also allowed me to meet thousands of incredible, beautiful, intelligent and talented women the world over… that I may never have met normally during the course of my everyday life. Through dancing, I have made life-long friends with many strong women of all ages, shapes and sizes who are veritable super-heroines; they are giving, driven,  talented, and usually very witty to boot.

I’ve met dancers who are emergency room nurses, teachers, criminal attorneys, children’s advocates, speech therapists, accountants, trauma counselors, ranchers, authors, film festival curators, architects, coal miners, political activists, rock stars, explosives technicians, police women, sitcom actors, college professors with PhD’s… not to mention mothers, grandmothers and even great-grandmothers…and all of them are serious dancers!

I am thankful that I live in a country where women are free to dress as they please, to dance for joy-or professionally if they choose- and where dancing is considered an art-form.

Every day I give thanks that dancing, something I have always done only for love is also what I do for work, and how I make a living. I never take this for granted, sometimes I have to pinch myself to make sure my life is real. When I walked into my first belly dancing class, if anyone would have told me that within a fairly short time I was going to turn professional-not to mention have a career  over twenty years later- I would’ve laughed so uproariously, the walls of the studio would’ve blown apart!

My dance career – my performing and teaching- has taken me all over the globe and I have loved every moment of it. It was a far-fetched wish, and that wish came true. The only thing I might add here (and believe me, my tongue is firmly planted in my cheek!) is the old adage about “being careful what you wish for”. Had I known that my wish was actually going to come true, I probably would’ve added in a clause allowing me to have a luggage valet and a personal massage therapist travel with me!

I am so thankful for all the wonderful women who have sponsored me to teach and perform. Sponsors are super-human, and in addition to paying for my travel, feeding me, housing me, fulfilling my backstage requests, and staying up til the wee hours talking shop, many of them have also gone wa-a-a-ay above and beyond the call of duty. They have taken me sight-seeing, brought me to amazing shows, given me gorgeous gifts, taken me hot-tubbing, booked me massages- even brought me to the emergency room, or dealt with my tearful grief when I was thousands of miles away from home and my beloved kitten disappeared. You ladies know who you are, thank you so very much! In general, my sponsors have gone so far out of their out of their way to make me feel comfortable when I am on the road, I cannot thank them enough; most of them have become life-long friends.

I am very grateful for my teachers and dance-mentors, women  ( and men!) who were dancing professionally long before I even  thought of starting to dance…all of whom were very generous with sharing their knowledge of not only technique, but also practical application, not to mention costuming ideas, crowd-control skills and career- building know-how.

My students, whether on-going pupils or one-time workshop attendees, make me feel such gratitude, I can’t even verbalize it. I learn something new from them every day!  The  drummers  and musicians I’ve worked with  are amazing and  love what they do… and  aside from learning a lot from them,   I love them for  caring, cause our shows have always been fabulous!

I would like to thank The Audience too- where would any dancer be without you? There is almost nothing more fulfilling than hearing an appreciative audience and seeing smiling faces in a darkened theater, just ask any performer! And of course,  all the behind-the-scenes people, those who never get enough thanks, like the artful  lighting and sound technicians,  all the harried- but unbelievably competent stage managers ( many of whom  are volunteers)  the  talented photographers and graphic artists I’ve worked with….and of course,  my long-suffering  friends and my boyfriend; all patiently waiting  for me to:

  a) get off stage  b) get my bag  packed up  c) stop talking about dancing!

Last but not least, I also gotta say that I am so very grateful for having a job that has the best, most amazing “uniform” EVER- what could be better than a blinged-out costume?

Happy Thanksgiving to all of you and yours!

Baby kitty Beeper helping  to organize my Belly Dance Handbook orders!

 In honor of the Holidays,  and to say  thanks to you,  I’m having a Thanksgiving-through-Monday, Dec 1  sale…  my  books "The Belly Dance Handbook" and  "Showgirl Confidential", and the new BaLAdi Tour CD by Issam Houshan will be on sale for big  discounts here:

http://www.princessfarhana.com/shop.html