BELLY DANCE ADDICTION: RECOGNIZING YOUR PROBLEM

  This  story originally appeared as the first post on this blog,  February 10, 2009.  Enjoy!

 In this day and age, we can all speak freely and without shame about our dysfunctions.

  Substance abuse?  Anger  problem? Gambling?

There is always a support group in place to help you. But there is one serious problem that society hasn’t yet addressed, and it’s affected a growing number of individuals the world over.

  BELLY DANCE ADDICTION

 Has belly dancing taken over your life? Does it dominate your thoughts and prevent you from performing simple daily tasks? Will it ever be possible for those who suffer from this affliction to lead a normal life? 

Have you hit Balady Bottom? 

The first step towards a full recovery is to admit that you are powerless over your addiction.

 Please spend a few minutes to take a long, hard look at yourself and assess your lifestyle.  Answer these key questions as honestly as possible to determine if YOU are a Belly Dance Addict!

 YOU MAY SUFFER FROM BELLY DANCE ADDICTION IF:

 You open your costume closet and its contents are equal to the down payment on a large house.

You have no idea what the works of Bach or Beethoven sound like, but can easily identify the work of Abdel Halim Hafez or Farid Al Atrache.

You own more “bling-bling” than any chart-topping hip-hop artist.

Your hair-do is larger, more elaborate, flower and feather-filled than a Las Vegas showgirl’s headdress…in a John Waters movie!

 You cannot identify designs by Gucci, Versace, Prada or Dior, but can readily tell the difference between creations by Amira El Khattan, Bella,  Eman and Hannan…from across the room!

 You talk about Dina and Fifi, Suhaila, Kajira, Sahra and Aziza so much that your confused friends politely ask if those women are your family members.

On a visit to a crafts or sewing store, you need to bring along a “safety buddy” to give you a “reality check” and prevent you from going on a wild spending spree.

After a visit to that same store, you are consumed by shame and guilt- and in tears, actually cut up your credit card.

 Your cell phone has a specially downloaded Om Kalthoum ringtone.

You have the call-in line for Rakassah on speed-dial.

 Solace is not merely emotional comfort, but your favorite band.

 You hone your shimmies while waiting in line at the bank, post office or grocery store.

During tax season, your accountant pointedly asks you how it is possible you spent over  $700.00 last year on make-up alone.

 You don’t live in your Levi’s and a T-shirt…you live in Melodias and a Choli.

…Actually, you don’t really wear street clothes any more!

 You mass e-mailed everyone you know to inform them that you finally mastered a down hip 3/4 shimmy.

 Your wallet is held together by a rubber band because it’s routinely over-stuffed with tip money.

You are not familiar with popular television shows such as  “American Idol” or “Desperate Housewives” but can recite- from memory alone- the running order of   any IAMED live show DVD.

 You believe that a stop at a traffic signal is the optimal time to perfect your belly rolls…and for practicing  “air zills”.

 You’ve been seriously pondering the idea that mastering a 9/8 cymbal pattern could lead to carpal tunnel syndrome…and as you ice your wrists, you wonder which came first: the Turkish  coffee or the time signature?

The word “understated" would never apply to your personal fashion statement…and is no longer even a part of your vocabulary.

  To you, “pop music” doesn’t mean Justin Timberlake or Gwen Stefani… it means Nancy Ajram or Hakim.

 Your movements can easily be traced…. Just follow the trail of glitter!

DANCE DESIGNER SPOTLIGHT: JODEE EWING & FLIPN TRIBAL

JoDee Ewing is one of the most-loved vendors on the belly dance festival circuit, and not only because she’s an absolute sweetheart, but because her original designs are absolutely exquisite. She’s always got a smile ready for everyone, and takes time out from custom-fitting dancers to watch every show, and cheer on the performers.

JoDee’s Flip N Tribal line of dance costumes, class togs and street wear are all designed and hand made by the diva herself…and are so pretty and versatile, they can be incorporated into the wardrobe of almost any style dancer, be it Tribal, Fusion, Cabaret, burley, Goth, Ren Faire Steampunk, Pirate- you name it! Not only that, they’re comfy, and they pack well, too. Dancers are wearing her stuff across America, in Europe and in Japan.


JoDee makes all of her own patterns, which include frothy, swirly draped skirts, some trimmed with brocade or sequined borders; flowing tunics, bat-winged, midriff-length tie-tops, soft angel-sleeved shirts with peek-a-boo shoulders, “Chaos Belts”, which look like the Tribal love-child of a hobo clown and a gorgeous ballerina, and many more delightful fancies.


I am one of her legions of slavish devotees… her designs are the bomb!


I met JoDee early on in her belly dance design career, and was immediately stunned by her incredible designs… I had to have one! And then I got more… and more!

She appeared in the documentary about me, "Underbelly", getting interviewed in her booth at Tribal Fest, and I wore one of her creations Hollywood Music Center’s “Tribal Renaissance” DVD , while performing sword. It was an amazingly well-fitting black leatherette and silver sequin bra and belt, looped with copious amounts of punk rock plumber’s chain in an asymmetrical pattern, that was perfect for floor work. Actually, I wouldn’t be surprised if some of the other dancers on the DVD were wearing some of her stuff, too!


JoDee knows what dancers like to wear and what feels good on the body, both onstage and in “real life”, because she’s a dancer herself. As a child, she danced, but was also mesmerized by her grandmother, who was a master seamstress. She made sure that Jodee even got private lessons in sewing and tailoring. In fact, even now, FlipN Tribal is still a family affair: JoDee's hubby Steve and daughter Frankie are often attending her both alongside her.

As a teen, Jodee was involved in the fashion industry- as a model and a designer, and even attended the Barbizon School Of Modeling… how hot is that? She danced as a young girl, but then focused on fashion design and modeling until 2005, when she picked up belly dancing. Her first belly dance teacher, Nikkal Feiruz, was also the first person to purchase one of Jodee’s costumes, and urged her to make more- so she did.

“ I offer custom bras, belts and skirts in Tribal Fusion, Tribaret, and Cabaret , and Gothic styles, “, JoDee says,

“ I make over -skirts called Peek -A -Boos, which are Fusion and Burlesque, a line of tassels with fringe that really move, and a belt system that works with the tassels, a line of street gear with two tops, skirts, jackets, and pants.”

She continues:

“ There’s my “ To Dye For” line, and I also have been commissioned for custom costumes and fantasy costumes. I make my own patterns, so anything is a possibility! I have really expanded since 2005!”


Many of the FlipN Tribal designs are so intricately detailed that it’s hard to imagine that Jodee can sell them for such affordable prices. Her “To Dye For” line comes in a rainbow riot of ombre colored lace, all hand-dipped by Jodee, and composed of incredible scraps of vintage doilies, antique and contemporary embellished textiles, and includes full costumes, separate bra and belt sets, and corsages that can be pretty much worn anywhere, from the wrist to the hip to the neck or head!

JoDee says:

“My To Dye For line came about because I have always loved vintage lace and appliqués, and fabric dying! To me, dying fabric is just like painting-not on a canvas but with fabric. I make sure there are lots of little details to every piece in my dyed line. They are one of a kind, and yes, they are my most labor-intensive pieces. I try to include vintage laces, doilies and up-cycled dyable fabrics. It's hard to say how long it takes, but each piece whether it is a bra, belt, skirt or corsage is designed, sewn and dyed by me!”


She has a lot on her plate right now, but she’s not just sitting on her laurels, or... as the case may be... her scraps of antique dyed lace:

“ My goals for 2012 are to have more wholesale accounts, and I am hoping to work up to traveling to a couple countries to show my line, and to have my up- coming street gear designs in some specialty boutiques. I have a line of handbags and purses coming out this year, and also a few surprises!!!”


JoDee ‘s business is growing by leaps and bounds, so get her stuff while you can, cause she’s on fire!


You can purchase JoDee’s FlipN Tribal Designs, or ask about custom orders on her website:

www.flipntribaldesigns.com/Home.html

Or at her Etsy store:
www.etsy.com/shop/flipntribal?ref=pr_shop_more

PHOTOS TOP TO BOTTOM:

JoDee in front of a rack of her To Dye For sets at Tribal Fest: everything she's wearing is one of her designs, too!
Princess in one of Jodee's costumes, also at Tribal Fest- PHOTO BY BRAD DOSLAND/ TABOO MEDIA
Mandala Danceworks in FlipN Tribal Custom Designs
Princess on set at HMC's "Tribal Renaissance" DVD shoot, in a FlipN Tribal Bra & Belt set

YOU KNOW WHERE TO STICK IT!

Who can forget Janet Jackson's infamous "wardrobe malfunction" at Superbowl XXXVIII?

Though Ms. Jackson's folly seemed seemed awfully calculated to be a mere accident-on national television, no less- there are times when dancers with absolutely no ulterior motives need a little help keeping their stage wear on!

Sometimes even the most well-constructed costume may not stand up to the amount of frenetic activity a dancer puts it through onstage, and even the tightest snaps, hooks and elastic needs a little bit of help.


Got a costume piece that won’t stay put?
Then it’s time to explore the wonderful world of fashion tape and body adhesives!


Not all too long ago, the only body adhesive available was spirit gum, which did the job well but was potentially very irritating to the skin, especially after repeated uses. Now, there are a number of products around which will help your costume stay in place.

Toupee tape can be purchased at wig shops and beauty supply stores, and was originally used for keeping hair pieces stable-hence it’s name. The tape usually comes in individual pieces from ¼” to 1 inch wide. Dancers have used toupee tape (the most popular brand being “Top-Stik”) for years to keep their wigs performance-proofed, and to keep costumes from gapping or drooping.

Recently, toupee tape has been reinvented- (and made much more chick-friendly) as fashion tape. There are several brands on the market, and they often come in cute, ultra girly, frou-frou packaging.

Double-sided fashion tape comes either in individual pieces or in rolls, and is very inexpensive. This stuff is what Hollywood stylists use on those fancy gowns for red carpet premieres, and also what many burlesque dancers use now (instead of spirit gum) to hold on their pasties.

Double-sided tape comes in many widths and lengths and can keep bra cups and straps from slipping, keep a headdress or upper arm bands where they're supposed to be, or it can even be cut into little pieces to secure smaller areas, or applied to body decorations like bindis.

Fashion tape has become indispensable and ubiquitous- you can find it almost anywhere- it’s sold at drugstores like Walgreen’s or CVS, and at large chains like Target and Wal-Mart, as well as lingerie, bridal and beauty supply stores. Or you can get it < hereHollywood Fashion Tape Double-Stick Strips-36 count

You may also want to experiment with surgical adhesives, the kind used to keep sterile dressings in place or to hold up non-elastic socks for diabetics.

My favorite kind is called “It Stays”, which is a hypo allergenic, water-soluble roll-on adhesive that will anchor anything to your skin, won't stain your costume or accessories, and then wash off quite easily-with no scrubbing at all-with plain soap and water!

I have used It Stays with great success to hold up all sorts of costume pieces, including thigh-high stockings, heavily beaded long Egyptian gauntlets and even to secure the belt of very heavy belly dance costumes to my hips.

Since it’s Latex-free, it’s very gentle on the skin, even to those who are sensitive to any type of adhesives. It is a non-irritating way to hold burlesque pasties on- and it also comes off easily. It Stays is even gentle enough to use to stick on false eyelashes! I’ve used it for that, and I know many others who do, too.
You can find It Stays here IT Stays Body Adhesive 2 oz.



Before you use any sort of adhesive on your body or on costume pieces, always do a spot-check first, to make sure it won’t irritate your skin or stain your costume.

GRAB AND GO!

My house is so full of costumes that it’s been years since it reached critical mass!

Someone asked me recently how I find everything when it comes time to do a gig, and many others have commented on my neat and well-organized gig bags. Please believe me when I tell you that one of my greatest talents is making a mess.... over the years, I have developed a system that keeps my costume chaos at bay...so I thought I’d share a few tips with you.

I store my costumes each in their own plastic separate bag, complete with all the accessories for the costume, and a couple of CDs burned with the music I like to use with that costume. The CDs have full show sets on them, in varying lengths- so no matter what, there will always be something that I can dance to. Though some of my costumes have specific jewelry that goes along with them, I keep my jewelry separate from my costumes… so I am always trolling Forever 21 or swap meets for cheap, flashy “disposable” earrings and bracelets, which I can tuck into the costume bag itself, on the off chance that I forget to raid my jewelry box for “real” bling while packing for a gig. And, call me crazy, but I always throw in a few tampons into every costume bag!

Each gig bag I use (and there are many, believe me!) is a rolly- I absolutely hate trudging along on my way to a gig carrying a bag, so all of mine are wheelie bags. Every gig bag is stocked with a small, baby train-case or cosmetic bag bag full of bobby pins, safety pins, a brush and comb, band-aids, baby wipes, feminine protection, a toothbrush and tiny sample-sized toothpaste, finger cymbals, a pair of fishnets, a lipstick and an eyeliner ( just in case I forget my make up bag, but I swear, I never do!) and a small sewing kit. On my way out the door, I throw in a small bottle of water, and a power bar both of which I always keep on hand, specifically for gigging!

This way, I can decide what I am wearing, grab the plastic costume bag, and go…. But I always do a “dummy check” just to make double sure I have everything!

For costume storage, I categorize my costumes, not by color, but by the way I wear them... and what I wear them for. I have simplified this over the years so that it takes the guess work out of what I need for my shows.

For example, I have a whole area devoted “standard” cabaret belly dance costumes, which I wear for frequent gigs. There is also a shelf of cabaret costumes that I wear – but not quite as frequently. I also have a separate place for my specialty belly dance fusion costumes.

My class wear also has it’s own area, and I keep a fully stocked teaching/class bag complete with ballet slippers, CD’s, hip scarves, leg warmers, finger cymbals, plus a couple of extra sets for students to use, a reusable water bottle, a light sweater and a veil. My class bag is used quite a few times a week, so every time I go to the store, I throw in a few packages of trail mix or a couple of nutrition bars, packed up in a baggie into one of the outside pockets…. in case I happen to accidentally leave my class bag sitting in the car for a while, this will contain the mess!

But back to storage-- there are also shelves devoted to my burlesque costumes that, again, are packed in plastic bags, with every accessory I like to wear, and music for the specific act. In this case, I also throw in a pair of fishnets into the costume bag as well. On these shelves, I have a small plastic box with four levels of trays, and I set my pasties in these trays, side by side, so they won’t stick together with any adhesives used on them. I store my gloves sorted by length, and these go into shoeboxes near the pasties.

Extra veils, skirts, wings, fans and other garments or small props that can be used for a multitude of gigs also have their own area, and the shoes I wear for gigs are stored nearby.

Wigs and hairpieces are an integral part of many dancers’ wardrobe as well and I count mine as costume pieces! If you own some faux hair, take care of it by purchasing- and using- a wig brush and some wig spray- both available at beauty supply shops. Don’t use regular hair spray on a synthetic hairpiece, it will make it gummy and, well, yucky. Keep your hairpieces in a hairnet to prevent tangling, and store the netted wig in a small box or plastic bag, so it won’t tangle or snarl. If you have fall or wig that isn’t set in a specific style (such as dreadlocks, or a Marie Antoinette extravaganza) make sure to use a spritz of wig spray and brush the hairpiece well before putting it way, as well as when you take it out to use.

When storing my floral hair accessories or larger crowns and headpieces I usually keep them in plastic boxes that lock tightly and stack up on top of each other. I wrap my metal tiaras in acid-free tissue paper to prevent them from tarnishing, and nest as many as I can fit safely (without denting them or damaging their shape) into one of these stackable boxes too, but a sturdy shoebox would work just as well.

For the hair flowers, I clip them to postcards that I have recycled from gigs, and stick the postcards into the boxes vertically, the same way you’d put books in a bookshelf. If I have a specific flower that goes with a certain costume, I will put it in a cardboard box or old aluminum tea container, then pop it into the costume bag, so it will always be there and I won’t have to search for it.

My storage system may not work perfectly for you, but I heartily encourage you to develop your own—it makes things so much easier on hectic gig days!

FULFILLING DRILLING: MAKING THE MOST OF HOME PRACTICE

Taking classes in person is obviously the best way to learn good dance technique, but home practice is the key to refining it. Practice makes perfect, and drilling dance moves will help you to develop good muscle memory and to instill internal awareness into the mechanics of every step you are practicing. Deliberate practice ensures that you are constantly developing your skills at levels that are increasingly challenging… and if you do not do this on a regular basis, and then you will run the risk of falling out of practice!

Drilling is to dancing what running scales is to musicianship, or what memorizing the alphabet, vowels and consonants is to a new reader- it helps the practitioner build up strength, comprehension, dexterity, and control. To some, this may seem like drudgework, but once you’ve mastered the basic premises, you can string together melodies, read sentences or learn dance combinations.

However, drilling your dance vocabulary on your own also means that you could potentially be practicing incorrectly, and either encouraging bad habits to develop, or actually physically hurting yourself.

In order to make your homework productive and your drilling fulfilling, here are some things to bear in mind:


Start And Finish Like a Champ
Warm ups and cool downs are done in class for a reason: to protect your body, and make sure your muscles, joints and tendons are ready for the task they’re about to undertake. Though it might be tempting to just start dancing or drilling, please don’t neglect these ultra-important sections of your home practice!


Consult Your Instructor
To make your home practice more fruitful, it is imperative that you have got your technique down; otherwise you’ll be drilling the wrong sort of information into your muscle memory.

Tell your instructor you wish to practice at home, and ask if you can run a few movements by her to make sure you are doing them correctly. Don’t be shy about this- any teacher worth their salt will be absolutely tickled that you are enthused enough to want to work on your own, and will gladly take the time to watch and, if needed, to correct you.


Posture
Check your posture carefully, and keep re-checking as you move through different steps. You should always do a posture check before you begin to actually dance. Dance posture varies a bit from genre to genre, but in general your feet should be about hip-width apart with even weight distribution from the balls of the foot to the heels; your knees should be flexible (not locked and not sharply bent) the pelvis should be slightly tucked, the ribcage lifted, the head and neck level, and the shoulders pulled slightly back and down. This all makes for a beautiful body line, and “safe” dance posture.

Often, while dancing, students will be concentrating so intensely on a certain movement, that their posture falls apart. They either don’t think about what the rest of their body is doing, or every part of the body automatically tenses up, while trying to “help” the part that is working!

So, every so often, do a full posture check- and remember to be conscious of your facial expressions! Concentration sometimes manifests itself as a scowl, a furrowed brow, teeth grinding, or mouthing the counts of the movements…. And you don’t want any of that in your muscle memory!


Drill The Basics
While you may want to blithely plunge ahead and start improvising to music, or inventing your own combinations, remember that drilling the basics never should get old. Even world famous ballet dancers do their barre work every day- it’s a way of reconnecting with the fundamentals and warming up not just the body, but also the synapses of the brain.

Before you start drilling, do a little bit of light, aerobic dancing (you can get your improv jollies out here!) to get your body ready and your brain focused for the conscious drilling.


Mirror, Mirror
In order to keep track of all of this, you will definitely need a mirror. But you don’t have to spend a lot of money; a full-length door mirror, the type that would be mounted inside a closet, will suffice for your home practice needs.

Use the mirror to check everything from your basic dance posture to your facial expressions. And once you drilled yourself often while looking into the mirror, it’s time to try the exercises facing away from the mirror, to really ingrain them into your muscle memory.

The mirror can be a great tool for checking body lines and angles, and for making sure that a movement looks the way it is supposed to look- but do not use the mirror as a crutch- you should eventually be able to feel these movements without checking them visually.


Even It Out
Make sure you drill both sides of your body evenly, so that your body feels natural and balanced. However, it’s also a good idea to remember that almost every dancer has a dominant side, and which side dominates is usually depending on whether the dancer right or left-handed. Your non-dominant side may need some remedial work to get it up to speed, so you may want to drill a few extra counts, or a little more intensely on your non-dominant side, so that both sides will have equal power and strength.



Weigh In
Don’t worry, I’m not talking about going on a diet- just asking you to make sure your weight placement is where it’s supposed to be! Are you standing on the right foot and working the left leg? Is your weight supposed to be evenly distributed over both your feet? Are you supposed to be leaning that far forward?

Check your weight placement and footwork constantly- these may seem like small things, but they are huge in the context of getting a movement down correctly.


Finish Your Movements
Finish every movement you make fully, from the preparation to the execution. Be hyper-vigilant about any sort of sloppiness. Although this seems extremely obvious, it’s easier said than done…. I see unfinished movements all the time in the classes and workshops I teach- and I know I was guilty of that exact same thing when I was learning- it’s just natural. Don’t beat yourself up about it, but definitely be aware of it! So, if a movement is supposed to last eight counts, it shouldn’t be finished in six; and if you are attempting to make a circle with your hip, make sure it’s a complete circle, not an oval, kidney bean, trapezoid, octagon, or any of numerous other geometric shapes!


Play With Timing And Texture
Once you mastered a movement correctly, you can then play with the texture of that movement- by making it faster, slower, or more syncopated, by accenting it differently.

Start a specific movement quickly, and then end it slowly, or vice versa. If you are doing a movement to the left, repeat it on the right, if you travel forward, try doing the same movement backwards, and so on.

Add layers - such as pretty arm work, shimmies, and traveling steps to the movements you have mastered.


Stay Alert
Even in home practice, make sure you are well hydrated and have some nutritious snacks on hand, to make sure that you are feeding both your body and your brain.


Just Dance!
Once you’ve mastered your drilling, you can then use the drills as a warm up before letting your imagination- and your body-run wild. Reproduce the combinations you have learned in class, or make some up on your own. Running combos is a great way to get “flow” into your dancing, because combinations emphasize weight placement, timing, and transitions as well as the individual forms of technique. Put on some music you love and dance as though no one is watching… because no one is, so have fun!

THE EASTER BUNNY...HOLLYWOOD STYLE!

Happy Easter, Happy Passover, Happy spring!
This is a re-post from April 10, 2009...just in case you missed it the first time around. Buckle up and get ready for a wild Easter ride, Hollywood Style!

“ARE YOU THE EASTER BUNNY?”

This question was screamed at me top volume from about thirty feet away by a homeless person of indeterminate sex, as I sat at an outdoor café on LA’s trendy Vermont Avenue, sipping a latte. The person inquiring was not only pushing an overloaded shopping cart and had leaves in their hair, they also had a cleft palate or some similar speech impediment, so it took me a few pointed hollers to realize that the question was being asked, was, in fact, if I was The Easter Bunny. I will attempt to reproduce what said question sounded like phonetically:

“AAAH NYEW NEE EADOR BUNNEE?”

In my “Flashdance” style cut-off sweatshirt and Melodia sweats, hair piled on top of my head in a sloppy bun and men’s aviator shades, I really didn’t look anything like The Easter Bunny, or the other patrons of the café… who were beginning to stare at me, wondering what my answer was going to be. It was perfectly clear to everyone that this question was being hollered directly to me.

I’m not sure exactly what it is about me that invites attention from the mentally unstable, but whatever it is, I’ve got it in spades. Luridly made-up bag ladies routinely cross busy streets just to strike up a conversation with me; blackout drunks at Mardi Gras stagger blindly through police lines to give me beads, and I’ve been the subject of plenty of unsolicited amorous attention from colorful individuals that law enforcement officers would probably classify as “the criminally insane”. In the two most memorable cases, this, for some reason, has something to do with Easter.

The question was screamed at me again.

“ARE YOU THE EASTER BUNNY?”

Having now attracted the attention of passers-by as well as the other café patrons, I figured I might as well answer.

“Um, no…” I said sheepishly, regretting having inadvertently disturbed everyone’s tranquil spring afternoon, including my own.

Yet this didn’t daunt my inquisitor.

“WELL,” it continued, “ DO YOU HAVE AN EASTER BUNNY COSTUME?”

It was now clearly too late not to engage in this bizarre exchange, so I answered,

“As a matter of fact, I do!”

“WITH BUNNY EARS?”

“Uh, yes, of course with ears.”

With this, the person broke into a manic, jubilant grin revealing many missing teeth, and yelled,

“MEET HE HERE ON EASTER MORNING- AND BRING A BASKET WITH CHOCLATE EGGS!”

“Okay,” I managed weakly, hoping that it wouldn’t shatter the dream when I didn’t show up as promised.

Not too long after that, I was walking along Hollywood Boulevard, minding my own business, when something similar occurred.

“ Hey Pretty Lady, Pretty Lady! Hey can I ask you a question, Pretty Lady?”

I ignored the smooth “playah” cadence of this pick-up artist’s voice, kept walking quickly hoping to ditch him, but to no avail. Pretty soon, the dude got into step right beside me. Even though my eyes were focused straight ahead, I could tell he was tall, and slowing his pace to match mine.

“Hey Pretty Lady! Are you single, do you have a boyfriend? Are you married? You sooo pretty, Pretty Lady!”

This went on for at least a block. Persistent motherfucker, I thought to myself. Hopefully he’ll see some slutty tourist with a fake tan and a tube top and forget about me. Out of the corner of my eye, I caught glimpse of his leg as he strode alongside me. He was wearing tuxedo trousers, black with a satin stripe down the sides, with black jazz shoes…. but they were totally filthy, caked with mud.

“Hey Pretty Lady! Wanna have some coffee with me, Pretty Lady?”

He wasn’t relenting so I figured I should just stop and confront him.

“Pretty Lady! Let’s have some coffee and talk about our future, Pretty Lady!”

I halted dead in my tracks and before turning to look at him, I yelled,

“ I’m married!”

“Oh, Pretty Laaaaady,” he sighed dejectedly.

When I turned to look at him, he was indeed tall. Like, Los Angeles Lakers tall. He was a striking African American man, and indeed he was wearing a tuxedo. But the suit was so rumpled and covered with caked-on mud it looked like he’d been run over by a tractor.

He also had on a pair of brand new white plush bunny ears with pink satin lining, AND was sporting a child’s white plastic “Phantom of The Opera” mask!

For an insane moment, I briefly considered taking a cell-phone picture with him and maybe even going out to coffee to see what in God’s name this get-up was all about, but then I got a hold of myself, mainly because he smelled so horrible.

“ARE YOU THE EASTER BUNNY?” I yelled as loudly as I could manage, before skipping away as quickly as I could.