READY FOR YOUR CLOSE UP?

Are you ready for your close up?

Many dancers aren’t, and since we live in a very visually oriented society, beautiful promotional shots are one of our best marketing tools! Even the thought of booking a shoot fills many dancers with dread, but it doesn’t have to…

For the past few years, I’ve taught countless dancers how to look fab and feel good in front of the camera in my Strike A Pose: How To Make The Camera Love You workshops. I also do a full day mini-intensive called Glamour Garage, which includes a stage make-up class along with the posing workshop and personal coaching during a session with a professional photographer.

The pictures you see here are all results from my workshops!

I have many of these events coming up in the near future- for a list of where they’re taking place, or if you’d like to book me for either of these courses, scroll down to the end of this article.

But for now, let’s get you looking and feeling good in front of the lens: this article is a re-post from November 23, 2009… enjoy!

My promotional photos always get a lot of comments, and sometimes even I am amazed at the results. Personally, I love taking photos. I am lucky enough to be very photogenic, and I also feel very relaxed in front of the camera. But one of the keys to feeling confident while doing a shoot is to know that you are fully "ready for your close-up". If you have done all your homework, then your photo shoot won't have to be stressful, and you can relax and have fun.

Make sure to discuss your objectives and goals for the shoot with the photographer beforehand, this way surprises won’t crop up for either one of you. Let the photographer be aware of how many costume changes you are planning to do, or what sort of props you will be working with. Once the photographer know what you had in mind for your shoot, you can various discuss ideas together.

Take some quality time a few days before your photo session and make sure you are truly prepared. This means that before your shoot, you have everything you will need, from costumes and props to hairpieces, jewelry, cosmetics and grooming tools at your disposal. Make a list and refer to it as you pack. During a quick costume change at a photography studio is not the time to discover that you didn’t bring your hairspray, or forgot your veil or your make-up bag!

Do a photo session “test” or run-through at your home, trying out your poses as well as full hair and make-up a few days before you shoot, especially if you are planning on shooting using a new hairstyle or different cosmetic application. If you want to use a beauty aid that you have never used before, like false eyelashes or a new fall, allow yourself enough time to become familiar with using that particular item. Don’t experiment with new products or hair styles moments before you get in front of the camera, use hair and make-up techniques that are proven to work for you.

You may want to budget in a professional make-up application on the day of the shoot. Again, don't wait until the last minute-book your make-up artist in advance, and then discuss the effect you’re after with the make-up artist beforehand so you'll both be on the same page.

Many models cut salt, processed foods and sodium-packed snacks from their diets for a few days before a photo session, because doing so will get rid of any facial or body bloating. Drinking a lot of water will help with this, too. If you are going to have a facial, get waxed or use a chemical depilatory, do it the week before, not the day before, so your skin won’t look blotchy or red.

Get up early on the day of the shoot and relax for a few minutes with some hot tea bags on your eyes- the tannic acid in the tea will help reduce any puffiness. You can also use cold slices of cucumber, or stick two tablespoons in the freezer the night before and press them onto your eyes for a few moments. Eat breakfast to keep your energy up, but stick to proteins and keep your food intake light so that you don’t feel full and sluggish.

Models and athletes often do a few sit-ups, push-ups or even lift lightweights just before doing photos, because the blood pumping to the muscles makes them appear more defined on film. You can use this trick too, just don’t work up a sweat and ruin your make-up… and of course, it’s really not advisable to do this in costume!

Speaking of looking good in your costume, on the day you will be shooting, make sure you don’t wear street clothes that are binding or that will leave elastic marks on your body. I usually wear soft sweats on the way to the photo session, and roll the waistband down so it doesn’t leave a mark on my abdomen. The moment you get to the studio, change into a comfortable caftan or robe to further prevent any marks or redness on the skin. A cover-up is a good thing to have anyway, in case you get cold- even with strong, hot lights, many photo studios are drafty.

Bring water and a light snack to your photo session, or check ahead to see if they will be provided. You need to keep your energy up- posing is hard work... now you'll know why models get paid so much!

EVENTS:

OCTOBER 4-6, 2012 OFFENBURG, GERMANY: GLAMOUR GARAGE

Info: http://tribal-festival.jimdo.com/

Nov. 2 & 3, 2012 DECATUR GEORGIA: GLAMOUR GARAGE

Info: http://www.dalloua.com/Glamor-Garage-.html

To book me for Strike A Pose or Glamour Garage in 2013:

Email me: princessraqs@gmail.com

To purchase the instructional DVD, "Bombshell: Dramatic Make Up For The Stage, Photos & Glamourous Occasions" click here:

http://www.princessfarhana.com/video.htm

To see more pix from my workshops, click here: http://tinyurl.com/89uw66v

PHOTOS: Opal Zapphira by Michael Helms, Greta Grenade by Dusti Cunningham, Shaunte Jackson by Wayne Miller, Nancy Vagillant by Dusti Cunningham, Princess behind the scenes coaching Layla Soleil by Lee Corkett

DATELINE CAIRO: AHLAN WA SAHLAN 2011 PART ONE

I have just returned from Cairo, and to say that I am absolutely riddled with jet lag is an understatement. In spite of the fact that I’ve woken up all bright and cheery at 3:30 am the past two mornings and been overcome with the desire to pass out cold by noon, I will try to give you my impressions of The Ahlan WA Sahlan Festival and Cairo in general in Post Revolution Egypt.

To begin with, I felt that it was extremely important to go to Egypt this year. Earlier, during the Revolution, Zahra Zuhair and I had no choice but to cancel our Eternal Egypt Tour; we didn’t want to be responsible for bringing a group of people into a potentially dangerous situation in a foreign country. However, as soon as things calmed down, I knew I needed to go. On a personal level, as you may remember from my last post, I felt great sadness at the possibility that I might not be able to freely come and go to my beloved second home.

On a more general level, I felt it was vital to support The Ahlan WA Sahlan Festival, and in turn to support the Cairo-based dancers, musicians and costume designers (and their employees), who were all seriously impacted economically by the social unrest and the ensuing curfews. In a broader sense, I also wanted to support the economy of a country whose chief “export” is tourism. Being from Hollywood, California, I very clearly remember the lack of tourism- and economic impact that was felt because of it- in my city for over a year and a half after the Los Angeles Riots took place. LA was a ghost town, and suddenly we all sorely wished that all those tourists who had seemed so annoying as they ambled down The Walk of Fame blocking the sidewalk while taking pictures would come back!

Cairo itself was much quieter than usual; even the traffic seemed less insane. The amount of people at the monuments and antiquities was sparser than I’d ever seen it. There were a few demonstrations in Tahrir Square while I was there- a couple I only heard about on the news because I was in Giza, far away from Downtown Cairo where Tahrir Square is located, but I witnessed one myself one morning on my way to Khan Al Khalili. It wasn’t violent; it looked like Muslim Fundamentalists giving speeches to a sizeable crowd.

The Ahlan WA Sahlan Festival was very small this year, but that was to be expected; many preferred to sit this year out and see what would unfold. In previous years the attendees have topped 1,500 people; this year it was a few hundred. Everyone’s classes were significantly smaller… but though it might not have been as gratifying for the teachers, that actually made it much BETTER for the students. The list of teachers, was as always, impressive, including Egyptian stars like Dina, Aziza, Zaza Hassan, Magda and Atef Farag, Aza Sherrif, Dr. Mo Geddawi, Mohamed Shahin and Madame Raqia herself, to name just a few. The foreign teachers were also amazing- among many others were Leila Haddad, Aziza Abdul Ridha from Italy, Amir Thaleb, Said El Amir, Sue Jee Choi from Korea, and from Spain Rosadela and Munique Neith. Along with me, those from the USA included Fahtiem, Jillina, Angelika Nemeth and Raksanna. I give kudos to Raqia Hassan for remaining undaunted and going ahead with her plans. She is a brave, strong woman and the festival wound up being even greater than it has been in previous years, and believe me, last year seemed very hard to top! This year, possibly because of the general celebratory and hopeful feeling in the air, or maybe just because there was a smaller amount of people attending, the festival had a freewheeling, anything-goes type feeling.

To begin with, the Opening Gala was held on the elegant floating supper-club The Nile Maxim- Ahlan WA Sahlan had rented out the entire boat! This has never happened before, it was an amazing surprise. The show started on the dock with Saidi musicians and Tannoura dancers and all attendees were directed to the top deck for cocktails under the stars as the boat set sail. After dinner was served, the show inside featured super-stars Dina, Katia, Egyptian Aziza and Sorayya Zayed. Unlike years past, and possibly due to the afore-mentioned free-wheeling ambiance, video and still cameras were permitted inside the Opening Gala and there was such a casual feel that many people were actually sitting on the floor, watching the show, practically two feet away from Dina, videotaping her performance! The whole show had a very intimate feeling, and every dancer took the mic at some point in her show and sincerely thanked the audience members for coming and supporting the Festival and Egypt. Dina’s speech was particularly touching; her voice was choked with emotion. These heartfelt sentiments were something I heard echoed by almost every dancer or musician at every show during my entire stay, as well as said to my face by hotel employees, costume vendors, tour guides, shop-owners and even just people on the street who had absolutely nothing to gain by showing a complete stranger gratitude simply for visiting their country.

But back to the show… it was, of course, off the hook! The dancers’ various bands sounded terrific, and the volume was cranked up high. Katia started the evening off entering to her signature magencey (entrance piece), “Amar El Laily”. Her pastel costumes always seem belie her sheer power- she is an extremely strong dancer with dynamic movement and ridiculously deep backbends, which she drops into suddenly and effortlessly. Her Alexandrian dance was naughty, funny and adorable, ending with her in the arms of one of her male dancers.

Sorayya Zaed (with a new blonde page-boy hairdo) was adorable in a minimalist black and neon polka-dotted costume. Lithe and light on her feet, her Oriental opening was precise and nuanced, and later in the show she did a traditional Saidi which was full of feeling; bouncy and energetic but really passionate. In the many times I’ve seen her, I’d never seen her do Saidi and it was a joy to watch.

Dina closed the show, and was, as usual, smashing. Her first costume was just outrageous and risqué - even for her. It was tomato red, with giant red beaded flowers on each bra-cup, and a mermaid skirt with black lace panties sewn on the hips - and a black garter belt complete with red and black lace garters hanging as fringe! The crowd practically lost it when she did “Tahtil Shebak”.

Although I adore Dina, and in twenty years have never, ever seen her put on anything less than an incredible, high-energy live show, I have to say that my new favorite dancer is Egyptian Aziza.

I saw her for the first time last year at Ahlan WA Sahlan and was completely blown away.
During that 2010 show, Zahra Zuhair, seated next to me, kept saying over and over, almost robotically,
“Oh…. this is fabulous! Oh, how is anyone going to follow this?”

By the end of her set, we were both sitting dumbly with our mouths open.

But this year’s show was even better. Aziza has it all- the slow, gooey, laid back oriental sensuality and the languid almost lazy movements that almost seem to bend time. She also can pull up on command her piston-driven hips, turns on a dime, and has stage presence to burn. In short, she’s just fabulous. She opened with “Akdib Alek” in a turquoise and silver Mamdouh Salama costume, and moved through a set that was just breathtaking. Last year, Aziza appeared with a singer whose voice was so sublime that I got goosebumps and all my hair stood on end the moment she opened her mouth. The singer was blind and had to be led onto the stage...and I never found out who she was. This year, the singer appeared again, and was just as amazing. Cairo-based dancer Caroline Evanoff told me the singer's name was Nour....and that she is famous dancer Dandash's sister!

Aziza's show-stopper was her second to last number, which began with a male dancer dressed as a desert mystic, swinging an incense burner, wandering across the stage to a hypnotic mizmar. He was joined by four Sufi Dervishes, dressed traditionally in white skirts with satin over-vests, who whirled, as the music got increasingly more droning and trance-like. Aziza appeared in a simple white galabiyya with a bell-shaped hem, and danced among the Sufi dancers, who surrounded her as the music switched into a Zar beat, and a cleansing, healing ritual began. The tableaux became increasingly more intense, until Aziza started whipping her neck around, slowly at first and then....well, all I can say is that it looked like she didn't have a spine, her head was cranking around on her shoulders like those New Year's Eve noisemakers that whirl around in your hands...and it went on....and on...and ON. People in the audience were gasping and literally screaming, it was nuts!

Finally, Aziza collapsed on the floor in a mock faint…at which time her Dervishes lickety-split ripped off her white robe, revealing a fire engine red bedlah... as though the devil had won out this time! She jumped to her feet and immediately began a frenetic, high-energy drum solo, and just as quickly, her show was over.

The evening ended at almost 4:00 am, with many audience members clutching their high-heels in their hands as they staggered up the gangplank to the street- many of them passing out on the buses back to the Mena House.

After I got back to my hotel room, I turned on the television to come down from the high of the evening’s festivities, and while watching the news, learned there had been a large demonstration- with violence- in Tahrir Square. I emailed my family to let them know I was OK and sank into bed, excited for the festival’s first day of classes, including the one I was teaching. When I realized I was also performing the next night, the reality hit me that I would be getting-if I was lucky- four hours of sleep.


****

....TO BE CONTINUED!



Photos, top two:
Aziza in her Zar tableaux, with Sufi dancers
Aziza's Oriental magency

Photos, bottom two:
Princess with Cairo-based dancers Caroline Evanoff and Astyd Farah on The Nile Maxim
Katia's Oriental magency

FUN WITH KEYWORDS PART SIX

Welcome to my 100th post...and Happy Halloween, Samhain and Dia De Los Muertos to all!
In the prank-filled silly spirit of the season, here is part six of "Fun With Keywords". Key Words are the words or phrases people type into search engines that direct them to various websites. Aside from the obvious ones (“belly dance”, “costumes”, “Egyptian Style”, etc.) I always get a kick at the random, downright ridiculous and often surreal things people from all over the world search that directs them to my blog! Hope you get as many giggles out of this as I do!


Here are a few choice recent keyword entries, copied exactly as they were typed in:


QUESTION MARK FACE

MAKE STYROFOAM A CROWN FOR QUEENS

HOME MADE HIGH CLASS TRAMP COSTUME

MOVIE DRAMA 2010 MAGIC TRAVELLING HOUSE

WHY DO BELLYDANCER WEAR SO MANY LAYER

SCARAB CLITORIS G-STRING

SWEAT MEANS DREAMBEDS FOR A SAUDI PRINCESS

FRANCH MARSEILLEZ SONG

CAMCORDER FISHNET ON WOMAN

SAW ME IN HALVES

MY OTHER CAR IS A BROOMSTICK

It’s a few days before Halloween, which has always been my favorite holiday ever.

If you are like me- and if you’re reading this, I’m sure you are- you are already aware that this is the time of year when everyone you know hits you up about borrowing or even renting your stage costumes. Call me selfish, call me witchy, or just call me a “Hallo-weenie”… but I NEVER lend my costumes out for Halloween ( or Burning Man, for that matter) unless I know it’s something I know I could easily part with.

The stage costumes I own, not to mention my crazy collection of circus outfits, pirate hats, robot suits, saloon girl headdresses, feather fans, vintage corsets, kitty ears, rhinestone studded masquerade masks, wigs, super-hero boots, vampire capes, real and fake fur coats- need I go on? - are the "tricks of my trade", not a treat for someone who won't respect them. They took a long time and a lot of money for me to collect, not to mention maintain.

My costume collection could probably have it’s own episode on the show “Hoarders”, but there’s a reason I have all this stuff around: it’s my livelihood! These pieces are my work tools, my office supplies, and in most cases, very expensive. But whether it’s an Egyptian costume I paid $700.00 for, or pair of character shoes I embellished myself, they are professional accoutrements that I can’t do my job properly without.


Oh, I used to be very generous about lending out costumes and costume pieces for non-dancers to use at Halloween parties, but it always ended badly. Things would come back to me (usually months later) ripped, stained, with burn-holes from cigarettes or wax from candles, or just covered in cheap drugstore make-up or greasepaint from The Spirit Store. And some things never came back at all!

Would you lend someone your laptop if you knew they were going to use it-and maybe accidentally leave it- at a club? Would you let a friend borrow an expensive camera to bring to a party where all the guests were going to be falling-down drunk? I thought not!

I think the reason most “civilians” want to borrow costumes is simply because they want to look good… and they also have nothing but the best intentions in borrowing these things. But the average person doesn’t realize that for their seasonal party-needs, a $20.00 costume from the toy store would be fine.

Want some help with your Halloween make-up? I’d be happy to assist you.

But don’t even think about asking to borrow my costumes… cause you’ll have to pry them out of my cold, dead hands!

BODY OF WORK: THE BURESQUE HANDBOOK BY JO WELDON

BOOK REVIEW: THE BURLESQUE HANDBOOK BY JO WELDON (IT! Books/Harper Collins, 2010)

Whether you’re a budding showgirl or a seasoned pro, a serious researcher or just curious about the origins of this super-sensuous art form, “The Burlesque Handbook” by Jo Weldon (IT! Books/Harper Collins, 2010) has something for everyone whose had even a passing fancy for burlesque. From fan dancing to tassel-twirling; from stage make-up to costuming hints; from old school Classic Burley moves to crafting high-concept post-modern performances… this book has it all!

Written by the illustrious Jo Weldon, neo-burlesque legend and headmistress of The New York School Of Burlesque, and star of many instructional burlesque DVD’s, this book is jam-packed with information. The tips and tricks you will learn in this book are usually hard-won through years of experience, but Jo shares her wealth of knowledge freely and happily. The chapters are well organized and cover a lot of ground, including sections of music selection, character development and “Backstage Etiquette”. There’s even patterns for making your own pasties included!

Jo’s facile and often droll writing style makes reading the book a breeze, and her anecdotes about her own career and what attracted her to burlesque in the first place are mesmerizing.

The book is also packed with photos of contemporary burlesque stars and how-to diagrams for technique in boa and fan work, plus hints and ideas from many big name burley professionals working today, including Dita Von Teese, Michelle L’Amour, Dirty Martini, World Famous BOB, Tigger, Kate Valentine, Erochica Bamboo…. and of course, lil’ old ME!

Mega rhinestone and feather-covered kudos to the lovely Ms. Weldon for not only walkin’ the walk, (or struttin’ the strut, as the case may be!) but also talkin’ the talk in an informative way…. and then having the fortitude for putting it all down on paper.

Trust me, if you have any interest at all in burlesque, you will enjoy this book immensely, and refer to it often as a resource.

Purchase this book: http://tinyurl.com/2bq2qtm

Purchase Jo’s instructional burlesque DVDs: http://tinyurl.com/37u9m3c

Purchase Princess Farhana’s instructional burlesque DVD’s: http://tinyurl.com/2a24ze4

Photos: Jo & Princess at Jo's LA book signing; book cover

DANCING THROUGH THE HEARTLAND

I constantly get asked what it is like being a traveling dancer. My standard answer is: it’s a lot of fun, but also a lot of work! You get to meet a lot of marvelous people- both students and sponsors. You get to see foreign countries or parts of the United States… places you might not ever be able to see unless this was your work brought you there.
It’s a very rewarding way to make a living, but it’s also physically- and sometimes emotionally-taxing. Usually, even if I fly in for a workshop weekend the day before the event starts, I’ve spent the entire day traveling to get to the event. And almost always, like all other traveling dancers, no matter where or when I get in, I hit the ground running.

There are also endless hours spent in airports and hotel rooms, as well as on planes… and sometimes that may mean spending hours on a runway, waiting for a weather or mechanical problem to be solved. There’s a lot of riding in taxis, airport shuttles, trains, and automobiles, in cramped seats. The hours are absolutely crazy, especially when jet lag figures into the mix!


You need to un-pack and re-configure your costumes and teaching supplies. Then you have tech-checks and run-throughs at the venue, and no matter what, you must be to be able to be “on” for a show, whether you are jet-lagged, sick or just plain worn out from hours of teaching. You need to make time for your workshop participants, to answer questions and take photos after class, and also to speak with and take pictures with audience members and sponsors before and after a show. Sometimes, there is not much privacy; other times you are alone in a hotel room with too much privacy! Due to the time differences and hectic schedules, it is often impossible to check in with loved ones at home. Inevitably, something crazy will occur at your home base when you are on the road… this seems to be Murphy’s Law. I’ve dealt with countless stressful problems from the road, including missed flights, hotel bookings that disappeared, and crazy stuff that you just couldn’t make up! One traumatic incident occurred while I was in Egypt and back home; a kitten of mine was rushed to the vet. She had been stung by a bee-and extremely allergic to it! Thankfully, she was OK!

Still, I love this lifestyle, and wouldn’t trade it for anything!

I just got back from ten days on the road, teaching and performing in West Virginia and Missouri…and I also just finished packing for Miami, where I will head in less than 36 hours. This recent trip, like all the others, was hectic and full of long hours… but it was wonderful. My sponsors were all darling: Sandy Stewart in West Virginia, Chris Bryant and Judy Cunningham in Missouri. I didn’t stay at hotels, but at their private homes, so I felt welcomed, pampered and happy in beautiful houses with loving pets- a joy because I miss my kitties so much when I’m on the road! I had home-cooked meals, wonderful conversations, and a lot of adventures!

On the way back from the Charleston, West Virginia airport, when I was really stupid with jet-lag, we got pulled over on a winding mountain road by a female police officer, who said a car matching our description was known to be transporting drugs from Ohio! She pulled us out of the car, searched the vehicle, and called for back up. While another car and officer arrived, she cuffed us because she had found drugs in our car, under the passenger seat. She pointedly asked if they were mine, and I innocently replied that I had drugs, but they were in my suitcase and were from a pharmacy! All I could think of was that I hoped we didn’t all go to jail, and that my costumes would have to sit out all night and get stolen from the car! It turned out to be an epic practical joke: the officer was a belly dancer who would be attending my workshops the next day!

West Virginia is coal country and I got a tour of a real coal mine, as well as being brought to some lovely parks to take in breathtaking panoramic views of The Appalachian Mountains. Our show was at the beautiful Tamarack complex, an Appalachian Cultural Arts center. The theater was gorgeous, and the stage was huge. Our workshops were in large rooms with a hoe-made Turkish lunch made by Rezan, a Turkish caterer and belly dancer.

I then drove from West Virginia to Missouri with Judy Cunningham, and though it was a very long drive, the scenery was gorgeous. We saw barges and old-fashioned steamboats on the Ohio River in Louisville, saw the St. Louis Arch at sunset, stopped at yard sales and thrift stores, and we talked and laughed a lot.

In Missouri, I stayed at my sponsor Chris’ lovely home that is a mini-horse ranch way out in the country. Chris is a professional photographer, and we had some time to “play” in her studio and took a lot of beautiful shots. I taught belly dance and burlesque classes at both events. In Missouri, we had a Ladies Only private burlesque evening where everyone who had any desire to performed. The show began with a striptease by a wild card: 61-year-old woman who had actually seen Gypsy Rose Lee dance when she was younger. She had always wanted to perform burlesque, it had been a life-long dream of hers…. so she did an impromptu striptease to kick off the show, and “popped her cherry” to the screams and whistles from all the other participants.

The belly dance show in Missouri was open to the public and benefited “Relay For Life”, an organization who raises money for cancer treatment and awareness, and was at the local community center, which had a nice raised stage. The whole day following the workshops was devoted to private lessons, including a class where a student and I both bonded so heavily over shared personal issues that we both broke down in tears.

But on this trip, as in past trips- things couldn't be "normal", they were just nuts, both on the road and at back at my place in LA! In addition to great shows and fabulous classes, I was on two separate flights that were delayed due to extreme weather, my allergies went so insane that my eyes were as swollen as though I had been punched in the face, and my voice got hoarse from all the post-nasal drip. I broke a phone charger; woke up and thought I saw a ghost - but it turned out just to be a glow-in-the-dark bottle and aside from waking from a dead sleep I didn’t have my glasses on. I also got a really bad burn on right calf from a motorcycle...a souvenir I won't soon forget! Then, right when I was worrying that the wound was infected, I got a call from friend Sashi, the well-known LA-based Tribal Fusion dancer, who had just been hospitalized for five days with a staph infection on her leg! Thankfully, she is recovering, and out of the hospital now.

Back home, all hell was breaking loose as well. My boyfriend called while I was in Missouri, to say that The ATF had woken him up, apparently busting into a neighbor’s house with many armed agents… apparently, the entire street had been blocked off. I thought he was joking at first but it had actually really happened!

Anyway, I’m about to pack for another workshop weekend Miami, and also for Tribal Fest next week… but I’m also about get a massage- and I really think I’ve earned it!

BEAUTY FROM WITHIN

Okay, I've finally hit bottom and now I have to admit: I'm powerless over my addiction to beauty products. I buy them compulsively, use them frequently, and, like many other women, I hoard them. But the real problem is that I eat them. You name a product; it's a pretty safe bet that I've tasted it. I’ve eaten everything from Clinique's Turnaround Cream to Tiger Balm, Vicks Vap-O-Rub to Coppertone's Cocoa Tanning Butter - which I wouldn't recommend, it left my tongue numb for over an hour. In the '70s, I would literally drink Love's Roll-On Kissing Gloss by popping the rolling ball out of the glass tube and sucking out the gloppy gloss. To me, it was better than ambrosia!

I've tried every flavor, I mean, scent, of Victoria's Secret Luxurious Hand and Body Cream, my favorite being that divinely edible Pear Glace. I use that one up so fast that I've actually cut open the tubes with a scissors so I can lick out the hard-to-get remnants when the container is virtually empty. Once, at a raging party in Austin, Texas, during the South By Southwest Music Festival, I became instantaneously infamous for eating an entire package of jalapeno potato chips using Noxzema as a dip. Frantic revelers tried to stop me, erroneously thinking I'd crossed the line of sanity (not to mention socially acceptable behavior) and was doing something I'd surely regret, if not in the morning, then when I'd sobered up. WRONG! What those good Samaritans failed to realize was that I knew exactly what I was doing, and the fact is a jar of Noxzema is the perfect foil for jalapeno potato chips. It’s cool, refreshing minty taste was just what those hotter-then-hell morsels needed!

Of course, like most glamour queens, I've made jokes about the ridiculous amount of make-ups, lotions, masques, exfoliating scrubs, and other treatments I use on a regular basis. I used tell people I got my signature look by mainlining liquid eyeliner.
But I really don't know anyone else who eats the stuff, and though I wouldn't recommend this unique and highly personal habit - maybe I should say fetish - to others, I can honestly say that it hasn't hurt me in the slightest.

This was always a dark, shameful skeleton in my closet...er, medicine chest... the fact that I was so focused on beauty products that even the mention of them sends my pulse racing. I mean, my favorite line in the film Silence of the Lambs is when the serial killer bellows,

"It puts the lotion in the basket!"

Recently, I had to admit that I was powerless over my addiction, the first step towards healing. I wanted to come clean, get it out in the open, and decided to put my cards on the (vanity) table and be upfront about everything.

The man in my life uses a Japanese hair pomade stick called Tancho, with an utterly intoxicating lavender scent. Not only am I obsessed with him, the smell of his hair drives me bonkers. In moments of high passion, I'd take a quick sniff behind his ear and be driven into a frenzy of desire. Soon, having located the source of my pleasure in his bathroom, I'd lock myself in, grab the Tancho, and hold it under my nose, inhaling its heavenly aroma. A few days of that and it just wasn't enough. I began actually wiping it on the end of my nose so I could smell it all day. In a dizzy downwards spiral, it was just a matter of time until I began eating Tancho, furtively scraping the waxy substance off the top of the stick, taking great care and making sure to smooth the surface so my boyfriend wouldn't catch on to the fact that I was devouring his hair pomade.

Alas, one day, I was caught in the act. Incredulous, he demanded to know what I was doing. In a scenario almost identical to the one at the party in Austin, I tried to explain that for ages I'd been eating all manner of beauty products, but he looked at me dubiously, with a mixture of pity and suspicion, the way you'd regard any common street junkie.

Trying to sound rational yet no doubt appearing completely insane, I gave him the history of my cosmetic consuming obsession, which dates back to early childhood… I guess it all started when I was about eleven years old.

My family lived in New England, where the winters are brutal and chapped lips are a problem. Ever vigilant, my mother armed us all with Chapstick. What she didn't realize, however, was that Chapstick freezes in your pocket when you're out all day sledding and making snow forts. The paraffin becomes so cold and stiff it actually does nothing to prevent your lips from becoming more chapped and cracked. At that point, I hadn't realized that either. So one day, when I lost my Chapstick and told my mom, she replaced it with Sea & Ski Lip Balm, in Orange Mint. Now, Chapstick, in those days, wasn't flavored, so not only was theSea & Ski Orange Mint a pleasant novelty, but it also had a different, softer, slicker formula - it didn't freeze. It remained soft, even in sub-zero weather.

I'd slather the delectable stuff on my lips, all satiny smooth, and it would smell and taste so good, I'd eat it right off. It got to the point that I'd be caking in on really thick just to taste it, then scraping it off my lips with my teeth, actually eating it.

Needless to say, the condition of my chapped lips wasn't improving. If anything, it was getting worse. One day, I just cut to the chase, rolled the entire contents up and began sucking on it like a lollipop. This was so unbearably satisfying, that unable to contain myself, I took a bite. In a matter of euphoric seconds, I'd gobbled up the entire thing. Of course, I needed more. That night at dinner, I blatantly lied to my mother and told her I'd lost my Sea & Ski. On her next trip to the grocery store, she replaced it....with Chapstick!

"But M-o-o-o-o-m," I wailed, my disappointment barely concealed, my uncontrollable urges starting to surface,

"I need Sea & Ski!"

Clueless to my by-now burgeoning addiction, she replied with the practicality only a mother can muster,

"They're all the same."

End of subject.

Ever crafty, I waited what I thought was a decent number of days, jonesing the whole time, until I thought the incident would be forgotten. I once again told my mother I'd lost my Chapstick, pointedly asking for Sea & Ski. Still oblivious to my growing needs, she replaced my "lost" lip balm with- shudder to think - more flavorless, hard, dull, boring, ugly old Chapstick.

Realizing that to argue would be utterly pointless, I asked for an advance on my allowance, which was the pricey sum of a quarter a week. I figured, quite rationally, that I'd just buy the Sea & Ski myself. What I didn't realize until I stopped at the pharmacy on my way home from school was that Sea & Ski was twenty-nine cents a tube, a full four cents more than my weekly allowance. Confronted with the horrible reality of the situation, up against a wall, I made the split-second decision to take the Sea & Ski, my first foray into shoplifting. Well, I got away with my petty crime, and got an adrenaline rush from the danger in the act of stealing. Like most junkies, I entered the world of larceny to feed my habit. I stole all the Sea & Ski that the pharmacy had in stock, then began accompanying my mother on her weekly trips to the Grand Union or Stop'N'Shop to steal more.

Clearly, I was enslaved to my habit, eating the stuff in the bed at night, slipping into the girl's room at school to take a discreet bite between my fifth grade classes. I was out of control, but the sheer magnitude of the situation didn't hit me until, in one colossal embarrassing incident, I hit bottom. My mother had sent me and my two little sisters (twins, four years younger) to the Palace Theater to see Franco Zeffirelli's Romeo and Juliet. Barely twelve, I nevertheless had a handle about what was going on in the movie, but my sisters had no idea. They'd been disrupting everyone around us by asking multiple questions in rather loud voices. It was getting towards the movie's dramatic climax, when Juliet comes back to life inside the Capulet tomb and sees her beloved Romeo dead, lying on the floor. The entire theater was weeping in unison.

"WHY IS EVERYONE CRYING?" my sister Meghan practically yelled, as half the theater turned to glare at us in annoyance.

"Because it's sad," I hissed. "Now, shut up!"

"WHAT'S JULIET DOING WITH THAT KNIFE?" Meghan asked urgently, her voice rising with hysteria, desperate to know what was going on.

"Just be quiet!" I said, through gritted teeth. "I'll tell you later!"

Convinced (and rightly so) that most of the patrons were about to band together to lynch us, I decided to de-stress by getting a calming fix of Sea & Ski. Alas, my container was nearly empty. I could see from the flickering light of the movie screen that there was a little bit left down at the bottom, and tried to wedge my pinky down into the tube to scrape it out, but my finger wouldn't fit. Hit with a moment of inspiration, I took a bobby pin from my hair and proceeded to use it as a tool to get the rest out. Since she couldn't understand the movie, my sister took an instant interest in my furtive actions.


"WHAT ARE YOU DOING?"

"Nothing!" I stammered, horrified at being caught.

"WHAT IS THAT?" Meghan asked loudly, as nine more sobbing people turned look at us in outrage.

"It's Sea & Ski," I whispered, hoping beyond hope that my answer would placate her.

"OH........YOU EAT IT WITH A BOBBY PIN?!?" she screamed incredulously.

Mortified, I slunk as far down into my seat as I could go. To this day, I have no idea if she was astutely trying frame me, or if she really thought that was what you did with lip balm - eat it with a bobby pin while watching a sad movie! I was so awash in abject humiliation that I don't even remember leaving the theater that night, or if Meghan tattled on me. I do know that the Romeo and Juliet incident didn't even put a dent in my habit, it simply continued.

My boyfriend took this story in stride, and, in fact, I was under the mistaken impression that he'd forgotten all about it, until a year later. We were at a seafood restaurant with some friends and he was ordering oysters, trying to get me to indulge along with him.

"NO WAY!" I proclaimed, wrinkling my nose in distaste.

"Come on," he cajoled, "Oysters are an aphrodisiac!"

"Oysters are like snot!" I cried.
"The only reason they're considered an aphrodisiac is because if you eat them, you'd eat anything!"

For a moment, he regarded me harshly, then said,
"Oh yeah, you won't eat oysters, but you'll eat lip balm and hand lotion and hair wax!"

He went on to regale the entire table with a list of all the beauty products I've consumed. Needless to say, the burning shame I felt in the darkened movie theater visited itself upon me once again.

Well, by now, I guess you could say that I've come to terms with my addiction. I try not to eat every cream, massage oil, or facial emollient I come into contact with. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. But even if I try just a little dollop, I still don't wolf down the whole jar, and I don't beat myself up about it. I talk about my problem, it's no longer a dark secret I keep to myself.

I just take it one day at a time, you know?


Photo: Illustration for Harper's Bazaar, an early work by Andy Warhol

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